


You Don't Sleep With Your Best Friends?

by morelikesirarthurconandont



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2019-05-13 20:18:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14755634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morelikesirarthurconandont/pseuds/morelikesirarthurconandont
Summary: When Merlin comes out to his closest friends, they're determined to help him find the right guy. Based on the film Fourth Man Out.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey friends! This is my first fic, hopefully it doesn't show. It should clock in at 3-4 "chapters". Enjoy!

Merlin sucked in a deep breath. “Today’s the day,” he told himself quietly. “This is it.” He ran a hand through his hair, took another deep breath, then began, “Alright, this isn’t easy to talk to you guys about, but I’m turning twenty-four today, and I think it’s just time for me to tell you the truth. What I mean is--well, you see--the thing is--” he paused, swallowing his words. Taking another much needed calming breath, he began again “I’m--” 

He met his own eyes in the mirror as he heard the doorbell go off, cutting off his little rehearsal. _ Damn it, _ he thought,  _ I can’t even say it aloud when I’m alone _ . He glanced at the old photograph on the mantle of him and his friends, Arthur, Gwaine, and Percival. They’d been friends for as long as they’d been walking, and Merlin had finally worked up the courage to tell them a secret he’d been holding onto for nearly as long. He was gay. He liked men. He didn’t know how to tell them. He let out another sigh and reluctantly made his way to the door.

He pulled open the door to see the huge smiling face of his neighbor, Martha. She was a stout middle-aged woman with brown mousy hair that she always pulled back into a tight bun. This wasn’t the first time he had found her on his doorstep, baked goods in hand.

“Hey, Martha,” he said pleasantly in greeting. “How are you?”

He’d barely gotten the words out before she was pushing a plastic container of muffins at him saying, “Merlin, I hope you like blueberries.”

He examined the box in his hands, “oh, thank you, Martha, you really didn’t have to do all this.”

“Oh, nonsense,” she replied, “It’s just leftovers from church group this week. No trouble at all.” She gave him a hopeful smile that he studiously pretended he didn’t know the hidden meaning behind.

“Oh, well, thank you,” he said again. 

“So you’re free next Saturday, right? Because my niece will be in town and I really think--”

“Oh, no, Saturday? I don’t really think that’s a good day for me,” Merlin replied, barely feeling guilty about cutting her off. Martha had tried to set him up with her niece at least five times already.

“Oh, but you have to come over. You must,” she pressed, eyes widening a bit.

“I really don’t think--”

“Really, I insist--”

“Seriously, that’s really not--” They both jumped slightly as they were cut off by the sound of a car horn.

“Oh, is this a bad time?” She asked, craning her neck to see who was in the driveway.  
“Oh, that’s just Arthur, he’s here to pick me up,” Merlin replied as he twisted around to grab his jacket off the hook just inside the door, grateful for the excuse to leave and end the conversation. 

“You boys don’t get in any trouble!” She warned as Merlin closed his front door and stepped around her. “Don’t do anything the good lord wouldn’t do!”

“Okay, thanks for these,” Merlin answered awkwardly as he walked towards Arthur’s car, holding up the container of muffins she had given him.

“Oh, I have to see Arthur, I can’t not, I have to do it,” she said, following Merlin up the driveway far enough to see Arthur through his windshield. She waved wildly and shouted “Hi, Arthur!” Merlin saw Arthur gesture a greeting to her from the other side of the glass and heard him shout back, “hey Martha!”

Merlin waved a goodbye to Martha as he got in the car. He and Arthur exchanged a knowing look before they pulled out of the driveway and onto the street. After a pause Arthur said, “You have got to bang your neighbor, man, it is the least you can do,” as he grabbed a muffin from the box still in Merlin’s hand. Merlin laughed along with Arthur. 

“Nah,” he replied, “it’s not like I’m keeping her Tupperware. Besides, she’s trying to set me up with her niece.” 

“Dude, bang the niece, what are you waiting for?” Arthur asked lightheartedly after finishing a bite of his muffin.

Merlin paused and looked at Arthur, suddenly shifting to a more serious demeanor. “I don’t think I can do that, actually.” He took a deep breath, “The thing is--”

“Dude, I don’t want to hear any excuses,” Arthur cut in. “You’re too damn nitpicky. I don’t care how busted this chick is, give her your dick and keep the muffins coming.” At that, he took another bite of his.

Merlin looked away, regaining his composure. “Yeah,” he replied halfheartedly, feeling the weight of his secret acutely in that moment.

“It’s gonna be a wild night,” Arthur assured him through a mouthful of muffin. Merlin gave him a half smile.

***

Merlin could hear the telltale sounds of Gwaine and Percival playing beer pong before they had even made it down the basement stairs. As soon as Gwaine saw Arthur come into view Merlin could hear him shouting “Yes! Get in here, homos!” And, really, it shouldn’t still give him a moment of blind panic but somehow his brain still stutters on the thought  _ they know _ for a second before he can convince himself there’s no way they could, not yet. As his brain cleared, he heard Gwaine tell Arthur, “we’re going to the bar in an hour and I want you blacked out by then!” as he pulled him in for a one-armed hug.

“Especially you, birthday boy!” Gwaine exclaimed as he pulled Merlin in for his bear hug. 

“What’s the rush?” Arthur asked, pulling the lid off the bottle he’s been handed.

“The rush is that I haven’t had a Saturday off in over a month--” Gwaine began.

“From Elena or from work?” Merlin asked slyly, looking up and quirking the corners of his lips as he opened his own bottle. He heard the resounding “Oh!”s from the other guys as Gwaine laughed along good naturedly.

“From both, and I’m going to savor every moment of it,” Gwaine answered with an easy smile.

“By being hungover all day?” Merlin asked as Percival approached the group.

A few sips of beer and a “your mom” joke later and Gwaine has wrestled Percival onto the couch in a playful fight for dominance. Merlin watched fondly when his thoughts were interrupted by Arthur’s voice.

“Merlin, you wanna get gay?” he asked.

_ They know.  _ “What?” Merlin asked, panic showing through on his face, if only slightly. 

“You want a shot?” Arthur clarified, holding up a bottle of something that could probably knock Merlin on his ass.

Merlin felt relief course through his veins as Percival and Gwaine paused their wrestling match to each raise his hand and say, “I’ll get gay!”

“Oh, uh, yeah, of course!” Merlin said, smile returning to his face.

Gwaine began the “birthday shots” chant and before long the rest of the guys had joined in. Merlin felt the warm happiness spread through his chest as he accepted the shot Arthur handed him. He loved the time he spent with his friends, and he didn’t want it to change for anything. Not for the first time that day, he wondered if he was making the right choice in telling them the truth.

***

The bar was too loud and Merlin thought maybe he had already had too much to drink. He had never had a very high tolerance, but the guys just thought it was hilarious. 

“Boys, there are some good looking girls here tonight,” Arthur began, giving his usual peptalk. “Best of luck to all of you, happy birthday, Merlin!” He held his glass up and the others touched their glasses to his, mumbling “cheers!”

_ Now _ , Merlin thought,  _ now is perfect _ . “So, uh--”

“Holy tits,” Gwaine cut him off. He and Percival turned to ogle the woman sitting at the table behind them, Arthur barely had to crane is neck to get a good view from his position at the table. The woman was pretty, dark hair, tanned skin, slim figure. Her low cut shirt didn’t leave much to the imagination, and Merlin really couldn’t blame his friends for getting sidetracked. 

“You gotta be fucking kidding me, dude! You guys are so lucky you don’t have girlfriends, look at those things! You could just bury your face in them and be totally fine with life,” Gwaine lamented. Merlin knew he loved Elena too much to really mean anything by it, though. 

“I don’t think she would be totally fine with it,” Merlin reminded them, gesturing to the muscular man with the impressive unibrow sitting at the table with her, both still oblivious to their audience.

“You don’t think they’re together, do you?” Percival asked, glancing back over to the table in question.

“I think so,” Merlin answered.

“I don’t think they’re together,” Percival argued, looking back at his friends.

Merlin took a much needed drink from his beer and tried again, “So, uh, what I was saying before--”

“Is she looking over here?” Percival asked, cutting him off.

“Um, no,” Merlin responded, a bit thrown off. He opened his mouth to continue only to be cut off again.

“Okay, what about now?” Percival asked, shifting in his seat to show off his admittedly impressive muscles. Merlin picked up his beer and muttered “never mind” into the glass as Gwaine helped Percival find a better position. 

Arthur watched as Merlin downed the rest of his glass in one gulp. “Geez, Merlin, what’s gotten into you tonight?” He asked, smiling at his friend.

“Nothing,” Merlin told him, setting his now empty glass on the table.

“You seem weird,” Arthur pressed, smile still plastered on his face. Most people would think he was joking but Merlin could hear the real concern in his voice.

“No, it’s just, uh,” Merlin met Arthur’s eyes. “It’s just…”

“What?” Arthur asked, concern and curiosity clear in his eyes.

_ Now _ , Merlin told himself. “The--the girl, to your right, in the fanny pack, she’s totally eye-fucking you.” Merlin spilled out, pointing to a pretty dark skinned girl at the bar.  _ Damn it _ , he thought. Arthur turned his head to check out the pretty girl. He gestured at her asking Merlin the silent question,  _ Really? Her?  _

“Yeah, just right now,” Merlin answered, mentally beating himself up. Why was this so hard? 

Arthur and Merlin watched as her obviously drunk friend wandered away. “I’ll be right back, boys,” Arthur promised, then slipped out of his seat, beer in hand, and made his way to the girl. Merlin looked back down into his glass, disappointed by his inability to come clean to his best friend.

“I got a cramp,” he heard Percival say, cutting off his inner tirade. Merlin rolled his eyes as Gwaine tried to sneak a picture of the girls cleavage and watched Arthur across the room. He pointed at the girl’s fanny pack and they laughed together.  For a reason that Merlin wasn’t willing to pin down, the whole scene made him feel a bit ill. It was easy to blame it on the excess alcohol. 

“Hey Merlin,” he heard Arthur shout, now joined by the pretty girl’s equally pretty friend, “we need to dance. Right now!” Merlin let out a little sigh and slipped out of his seat. Just because he was gay didn’t mean he couldn’t be a good wingman. 

“I’ve got a dance partner for you right here,” he heard Arthur say as he approached the group. “This is Merlin, my dancing friend,” Arthur gestured to him as he introduced him to the intoxicated girl. 

“You’re really hot,” she informed Merlin after checking him out with an exaggerated once over.

“And you’re really drunk,” he replied, mocking her tone. She was too drunk to notice.

“He’s great in bed too,” Arthur informed her, “real giver.”

Fanny pack girl giggled, “and how do you know that?” She asked.

Arthur looked back and forth between her and Merlin. “What, you don’t sleep with your best friends?” he asked. “That’s selfish, that’s very selfish.” He looked to her friend, “I’m sorry.”

“Why don’t you guys make out right now?” the first girl challenged. Her intoxicated friend perked up at this and made an excited noise of agreement as she downed another alcoholic beverage.

“Okay,” Arthur responded, never one to back down from a challenge. Merlin thought he felt his heart stop as his smile slipped from his face. “We’d love to,” Arthur continued. “Should we make out right now?” He asked, looking to Merlin finally.

“Uh,” Merlin started, panic setting in.

“We’ll do it if they do it kinda thing?” Arthur continued. The girls giggled as Merlin continued to flounder for his words.

“I’m waiting,” fanny pack girl prompted, eyebrows raised.

Merlin gave Arthur a look that he hoped his friend could decipher as “ABORT MISSION!” Luckily, Arthur seemed to get the message. “The thing is, we’ve both been drinking quite a bit,” he began.

“We’ve been drinking,” Merlin affirmed.

“So it would just be cheap,” Arthur continued.

“Cheap,” Merlin agreed. After an awkward beat he announced, “I really have to pee” and left the group before Arthur could change his mind.

The bathroom was poorly lit, just like the rest of the bar, and had a distinct unpleasant odor. He splashed cold water onto his face from the sink and looked up at his reflection. “Come on,” he told himself “it really isn’t that hard. Don’t be a pussy, just do it.” He sighed and stepped away from the sink. Once he was satisfied that he had gotten himself pulled together, he exited the bathroom and made his way back to Arthur.

Once he made his way back to his friend, he decided  _ this is it, I have to do it now _ . He put a hand on Arthur’s shoulder to get his attention. “Look Arthur, I’ve been looking for the right time to say this--” he was cut off yet again, this time by Percival and Gwaine running toward them yelling Arthur’s name. 

“We got caught taking pictures and unibrow guy got crazy,” Percival quickly informed them as Gwaine shouted “Let’s go!” and ran for the exit. Merlin followed them, pulling on his jacket as he went. He vaguely heard Arthur promise to call fanny pack girl on his way out and again blamed his unpleasant feeling on the alcohol.

***

They all crashed at Gwaine’s house. Merlin and Arthur shared the futon with about a foot of space between them while Percival curled up on the loveseat and Gwaine was upstairs in his bedroom. Merlin had been lying on his back, staring up at the basement ceiling for at least an hour while he listened to Percival and Arthur snore. He knew if he didn’t do it now, he might never tell his friends the truth. He sucked in a deep breath before turning over onto his side facing Arthur.

“Arthur,” he whispered. He was answered with a snore. “Arthur,” he tried again, a little more insistent.

Arthur answered this time with a sleepy “hmmm?” as he began to stir awake.

“I’m gay,” Merlin said.

“Okay, man,” Arthur mumbled without even opening his eyes.

“No, I--I like guys,” Merlin said, speaking now rather than whispering.

Arthur squinted his eyes at him, seeming to finally wake up. “Hm?” he asked again.

“I’m gay,” Merlin said again as Arthur opened his eyes to look at him. 

Arthur’s eyes went wide and he immediately jumped out of the bed and ran to the garbage can, shouting “oh no, no, no!” as he went. He grabbed the rim of the can and puked into it as Merlin sat up in the bed. 

“You okay?” Merlin called to him. Percival sat up, awake now too. Or maybe he had been awake already. Merlin wasn’t sure. 

“Fuck, yes, yeah, I’m fine,” Arthur answered, straightening up and away from the garbage can. He gestured between the garbage can and Merlin, “listen, that’s not you it’s the excessive alcohol.”

“The hell is going on?” Gwaine asked as he stepped down into the basement. 

“I’m hurt, man,” Arthur answered. He gestured to Merlin, “Merlin’s gay.”

Merlin turned to Gwaine and gave him a smile, partially to confirm what Arthur said and also partly because of the immense relief he was feeling that it was all out in the open finally.

“I gotta take a shit,” Gwaine informed them both and Merlin could feel his smile slipping off his face.

“I should really just head out,” Merlin said, feeling the tension in the air. 

“No, no, no--” Arthur began

“No, really, it’s cool I’ll just--,”

“--Merlin, no--”

“--give you all time to soak it in--”

“Merlin, Merlin! It’s fine,” Arthur tried as Merlin made his way up the stairs and out the door. He heard his friends spur into conversation as soon as he was out of their sight.

“What the hell, is he fucking with us?” Gwaine asked.

“Merlin can’t be gay, he eats steak every day!” Percival chimed in.

“The man is a wizard with cars. I once saw him rebuild the entire engine on a ‘68 Mustang,” Arthur added, a hint of awe in his voice.

“Was that before or after he ass banged you?” Gwaine asked cheekily.

“Okay, really? Too soon,” Arthur shot back.

At that Merlin remembered that he didn’t actually have a way home and grudgingly made his way back downstairs.

“I forgot, I didn’t drive,” he informed them once he reached the bottom of the steps.

The car ride home with Arthur was more than a little awkward. Merlin wasn’t sure if he should talk to Arthur about his announcement so he alternated between subtle glances at his friend and watching the world pass by through the passenger window. Finally, Arthur broke the silence. “So, you’re really gay, huh?”

Merlin turned to his friend and smiled, “yeah.” He ducked his face and tried to hide his blush. God this was awkward.

“Cool, cool,” Arthur answered, brow furrowed as he tried to process this new information. He bit his lip before beginning again, “you’ve had sex with women before. And you dated Freya for a year, cried when she broke up with you.”

“Yeah,” Merlin conceded, “but that was like two years ago. I mean, who have I been with since?”

Arthur shrugged, “I just thought you had really oddly high standards for women…”

“I do, they have to be men,” Merlin quipped, smirk in place. Arthur gave him a grin at that, but Merlin could tell it was forced.

“So,” Arthur started, “why didn’t you tell me before?” And suddenly Merlin realized that Arthur wasn’t upset that he was gay, he was bothered that Merlin had kept a secret from him.

“I tried to tell you guys last night,” Merlin supplied quickly.

“No, man, like way the fuck before,” Arthur shot back, clearly agitated now.

“I don’t know,” Merlin answered, turning his head away. For all that he had worried about the consequences of coming out, he hadn’t thought that he might feel guilty for not saying something earlier.

“Do you parents know?” Arthur asked after a beat.

“No, god, no. It was hard enough telling you guys.” There was a pause before Merlin began again, “believe me, I wanted to tell you guys before. It just never seemed like the right time, you know? I didn’t want things to be weird between us.” He was looking at Arthur now. 

“Hey,” Arthur said, looking at Merlin now. “Nothing is going to change between us.”

Merlin smiled at this as Arthur turned back to look at the road. He felt a bit silly now for worrying at all. Of course nothing would change, he had just been over reacting.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think something got messed up with the formatting in this chapter, so sorry if that's distracting. I'm still trying to figure out how work everything on here. I'm going to try to have this bad boy completed within the next week or so. Enjoy!

Merlin went to work the next day feeling like everything and nothing had changed all at once. On one hand, it was a huge relief that his friends knew. It was an even bigger relief that Arthur had assured him that nothing had changed. He was confident that they’d all get used to the idea that he was gay, given enough time. He was also ready to lose himself in a day’s work, engines and oil changes and ugly jumpsuits had never seemed so appealing.

“Will,” Merlin called to his friend and coworker, who was sitting in the passenger seat of the silver Pontiac while Merlin changed its oil.

“Dude, I guarantee you a hot MILF drives this car,” Will called back. Merlin rolled his eyes as Will snooped through the car to gather clues about its owner. “Actually, you know what? 90,000 miles, I think she used to drive it and now the daughter drives it.” Merlin put the dipstick down and walked to the passenger window to look in the car.

“Oh yeah, give that a whiff man, I’m thinking strawberry blonde, nineteen, go on, take  a whiff,” Will continued, holding out a tube of chapstick. Merlin reluctantly gave it an unenthusiastic sniff, feeling a bit creepy, before giving Will a forced smile and handing the tube back. 

“Hey, come on! Get back to work,” Merlin heard his boss yell at them from across the garage. He lifted himself off where he’d been leaning on the car and moved back around to the front to continue what he’d been doing earlier. He heard Will shout some excuses back for why he was in the car, but paid it no mind. 

 

***

 

He made things weird.

They had poker night every Thursday in Gwaine’s basement. Nobody had missed a poker night in at least three years, and while Merlin contemplated not showing up, in the end he decided against skipping. Now he was wondering if that had been the right decision. The tension in the air was so thick it was a wonder nobody had choked on it. 

“So, Arthur,” Percival said, trying to break the ice a bit, “you ever call the fanny pack girl?”

“No,” Arthur answered.

“What’s wrong?” Gwaine asked, signature smirk in place. “You afraid your fuck buddy will get mad?”

“Me and Sophia are not buddies,” Arthur shot back. “We don’t even like each other.”

“So what’s the problem?” Merlin chimed in.

“I can’t remember her name,” Arthur said. “I drunkenly saved it in my phone like an idiot.”

“Let me see that,” Percival said, reaching across the table to take Arthur’s phone. “I’m really good with this stuff.” He looks at the name and narrows his eyes. “Grape?”

“Grape,” Gwaine repeats, barking out a sharp laugh.

“You saved her name in your phone as ‘Grape’?” Percival asked, eyebrow raised at Arthur.

“I’ll raise you twenty,” Merlin said, focusing on the game.

“Damn it,” Gwaine said. “If you wouldn’t have had that ten on the river I would have sucked you dry!” Immediately after he said it his lighthearted smile fell.  _ Oh no,  _ Merlin thought,  _ why can’t they understand nothing has changed? _

“Oh man,” Percival whispered, taking a large gulp from his beer.

There was an awkward pause, which Merlin broke by asking Arthur, “hey, can I see your phone?”

“Sure,” Arthur answered, handing it over.

“Alright, boys,” Percival announced. “Daddy’s all in. Let’s see what you’ve got.”

Merlin stared at Percival, trying to deduce whether he was bluffing. He always did have a strong poker face. 

“Stop that,” Percival quietly demanded after a moment under Merlin’s scrutiny. “Cut it out, man, come on, stop.” Another moment, “Seriously, stop.”

“What?” Merlin asked innocently.

“Cut it out! I’ve got two eights, alright?” Percival bit out. 

Merlin felt a triumphant smile spread across his face. “Call,” he announced, laughing along with Gwaine and Arthur. “Probably Grace,” he says, handing Arthur his phone.

“What?” Arthur asked, looking down at the phone.

“Well, it starts with G, R, A so it’s probably Grace, right?”

“Yeah,” Arthur agreed, clearly impressed. His face started to light up with a smile. “Yeah, I could see her being a ‘Grace’.”

“Yeah,” Merlin said. The tension descended upon the group once more. After a few awkward beats Merlin decided it was his cue to leave, he stood and announced, “okay, I’m going to head out. I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?” Gwaine asked.

“Yeah,” Merlin answered. “You guys are coming over for the hockey playoffs tomorrow, right?”

“Oh, yeah,” Gwaine agreed as Merlin pulled on his jacket. “Yeah, see you then.”

“Cool,” Merlin replied simply. After another awkward beat he said, “okay” and marched up the stairs.

On his way out he thought he could hear Percival inform the group, “he definitely wants to fuck me.”

He hated to eavesdrop, especially on his friends, but he couldn’t help but listen at the door to the basement when he heard Gwaine tell one of them, “this is all your fault.”

“How is this my fault?” he heard Arthur challenge.

“Yeah, with your mixed drinks and your EDM, you’re the one who turned Merlin gay,” Gwaine explained.

“Are you fucking serious?” Arthur asked. “You’re the one who goes to Taylor Swift concerts.”

“First of all,” Gwaine began, raising his voice. “T-Swift is a singing angel, Mr. Skinny-Jeans-And-Ladies’-Deodorant.”

“I’ve got sensitive underarms, it’s not a secret.”

“Oh, yeah,” Percival chimes in. “That’s right, you do take bubble baths with--”

“You’re the one that dragged us to see Les Mis,” Arthur shot at Percival.

“Fuck you, Les Mis is a classic!”

“Why don’t you Tweet about it?” Gwaine asked.

“You don’t have time to Tweet because you’re too busy ‘sucking Merlin dry’,” Percival answered.

“You were the one eye-fucking him.”

“He was eye-fucking me!”

“That’s not what I saw, gaylord.”

“I am not a gaylord! I own a fantasy football team and I like  _ Die Hard. _ ”

“Guys, stop,” Arthur cut in. “We shouldn’t blame anyone. He was obviously born gay.”

“No, no,” Percival said calmly. “It’s fine guys. I’ll take the fall on this one. I’m too good looking.”

“It’s nobody’s  _ fault  _ because there’s nothing wrong with him,” Arthur said reasonably. “He’s still the same guy, right?”

The pause before his other friends answered stretched on long enough for his guilt to chase him out of Gwaine’s house. He understood that it was a lot for his friends to take in, he just hoped that the hockey game would go better.

***

The hockey game wasn’t any better.

  
Merlin was sat on his arm chair while Gwaine, Arthur, and Percival squeezed together on his couch. Merlin could barely focus on the game, he was too focused on the tension in the air. It somehow managed to be even worse than poker night. Normally the guys would shout and cheer or boo and yell as the game progressed and they got more invested, but that night the most excitement shown was Arthur vaguely raising an arm as a goal was scored.

  
Merlin rested his head in his hand and wished the game would end soon. He regretted his decision to come out more and more each day. Being open with his friends wasn’t worth this. He missed the easiness they used to share before they knew. 

  
He glanced over at them again as they stared intently at the television screen. Arthur drank from his beer as the other two remained still and silent. Merlin sighed quietly and turned his attention back to the tv. This lasted a few moments before he knew he had to break the silence before he went crazy.

  
“Can someone just say something please?” he asked, turning to his friends.

  
“Uh,” Gwaine started. “So, uh, you really like the cock, huh?”

  
“As much as you like strippers,” Merlin retorted smoothly.

  
“No one could be that gay,” Arthur said, laughing. When he realized what he said the smile dropped from his face and he looked to Merlin. “Sorry,” he apologized quickly.

  
“No, it’s fine!” Merlin assured him. “Just say it, please, I know you guys don’t mean anything by it. You guys have been saying shit like that for years.”

  
“You’re sure?” Arthur asked hesitantly.

  
“Yeah,” Merlin prompted. 

  
“No one could be that gay,” Arthur repeated, and Merlin could feel the tension drain from the room as they all laughed together.

  
“Gay,” Merlin said.

  
“Gay,” Gwaine repeated.

  
“Gay,” Percival chimed in.

  
“It’s empowering,” Gwaine declared, and they all laughed together again. Things were starting to feel more normal again, and Merlin couldn’t keep the grin off his face. 

  
They sat in silence again, this time far less awkward, until Merlin heard his doorbell and called out, “coming!”

  
When he opened the door, once again Martha was standing on his doorstep.

  
“Hello, Merlin,” she said in greeting.

  
“Hey, Martha,” he replied. “Here for your tupperware?”

  
“Only if you’re done with it, dear,” she answered.

  
“Yeah, of course, come on in and I’ll grab it,” he told her.

  
He heard the guys shouting at the TV in the next room over. “Oh, is Arthur here again,” she asked excitedly. “I’d better go say hi.”

  
“Yeah, he’s just in the living room,” he answered, but she was already off to find his friends. He winced as someone yelled, “That’s so gay! Sorry Merlin!”

  
“Hopefully they have a good cover up for that,” he muttered to himself as he pulled the tupperware muffin box out of his cabinet. He heard a chorus of “Sorry, Merlin” and “No offense, Merlin” as he put the lid back on the container and made his way to the living room.

  
“Thanks, Martha, it was really great. I appreciate it,” he called out as he entered the living room. She looked back at him with wide, surprised eyes. “You alright?” he asked her cautiously. After a beat he continued, “Um, yeah I cleaned it for you,” he held up the box, “it’s all clean now.”

  
“Oh, um, I just feel a little faint,” she told him. “I’m just going to go lie down for a bit. It’s getting late. Decent people lie down,” and with that she was exiting his house, leaving Merlin puzzled.

  
“Okay,” he responded dumbly, not really sure what just happened. He turned to give his friends a confused look, hoping they can fill him in on what happened. “What…” he began, trailing off.

  
After a moment of silence and exchanged glances, Gwaine offered up, “menopause, man, it’s a bitch.”

  
“My mom slapped a kid in Tesco once,” Percival added.

  
It was then that Merlin saw his iPad sitting on the table, open to his DudeMingle page. He rolled his eyes and groaned. He fell back into his chair, “she knows, doesn’t she?” 

  
Arthur nodded at him. “So. Excited for your date with Bradstar?” he asked teasingly.

  
“Not a word,” Merlin demanded, pointing to his friends who are all holding back snickers.

  
***

  
Merlin was meeting Bradstar, or, rather, just Brad, at the Madison Pourhouse, pretty much the only decent restaurant for a date in town. It was his first date from DudeMingle, but he was feeling optimistic. He had been hesitant about signing up for a dating app. He had always thought of dating apps as being for desperate people and he had heard plenty of horror stories about the crazies on them, but maybe he was a bit desperate and willing to wade through some crazies to find “the one”, or at least the close second. 

  
Bradstar had abs, killer abs. He had a pleasant face and he talked a big game online. He was sexy and wild. He had soft looking brown hair and tanned skin. His arms were to die for. Merlin couldn’t ask for a better physical specimen.

  
Brad, however, was a man in his mid forties with graying hair, a sweater vest, and a soft lumpy, body. His nose was too big and his lips were too thin and he really hadn’t aged well at all. 

  
_Just one night_ , Merlin thought. _I’ll get through this date then never see him again._

  
“So, uh, Brad,” he started, “when did you take that profile picture?”

  
Brad let out a dramatic sigh, “I’m sorry, that’s not me.” He flashed Merlin an apologetic smile.

  
“Oh,” Merlin responded, halfheartedly feigning surprise.

  
“It’s a little dishonest, you know, but I felt like we had this real connection online, and I didn’t want to run the risk of not getting to know you because of something as shallow as looks,” Brad admitted. “You’re not shallow, are you?” he asked Merlin accusingly.

  
Merlin ordered the strongest drink they had on the menu. The rest of the date wasn’t much better.

  
“This is going great,” Brad said optimistically as they neared the end of their meal.

  
“Yeah,” Merlin agreed halfheartedly, not quite having the heart to tell Brad he hoped he never saw him again.

  
At that moment, the waitress dropped the check on the table and Brad snatched it up before Merlin could, saying “I’ve got this.”

  
“No, we can just split it,” Merlin argued.

  
“No, no, you can make it up to me later,” Brad said mischievously with a suggestive smile. Merlin raised his eyebrows at this and knew that he most definitely would not be making it up to Brad later. “What do you say we get out of here and head back to my place? You’re going to love my basement. Got it totally pimped out. Have you ever heard Huey Lewis and the News on vinyl?” He pulled out a bottle of pills and popped one in his mouth.

  
“You wanna take me to your... basement?” Merlin asked, a bit incredulously. Brad had been drinking water all night, he couldn’t even give the guy the benefit of the doubt and assume he was drunk.

  
“It’ll be fun,” Brad answered seriously. “Did you want one of these?” he asked Merlin, holding the bottle of pills out towards him. “It’s Ropex. Great for, you know…” he then proceeded to make a series of clicking sounds that Merlin assumed was a euphemism for sexual intercourse.

  
Once the meal was finished and paid for, Brad insisted on walking Merlin to his car, despite his protests. As Brad leaned in for a kiss goodnight, Merlin ducked into his car instead, rolling the window down when Brad tapped on it. 

  
“I know what you’re thinking,” he began. “A basement, real romantic, right?”

  
“Mhmm,” Merlin agreed quickly, starting to lose his patience with the man leaning in his car window.

  
“But I’m telling you, it’s totally discreet,” Brad continued. “Not even my wife is allowed down there.”

  
“Shit, man, that’s awesome,” Merlin responded dryly. “I would love to, I just have to get home to… water my plants.” he finished. Not the best excuse he’s come up with, but he was too done with this date to really feel too bad.

  
“Oh, water your plants,” Brad repeated, raising his eyebrow suggestively. “How does that one go?”

  
“Uh, you tilt your head to the side and close your eyes…” he began, Brad excitedly pushed away from the window and did so. 

  
“Yeah! Keep your eyes shut, and then…” Merlin drove away, leaving Brad standing on the sidewalk with his head tilted to the side, his eyes closed, and a huge dumb grin on his face.

  
Merlin hoped Arthur’s date with Grace was less of a trainwreck.

***  
“So, how was your date last night?” Merlin asked Arthur over lunch in the deli the next day.

  
“Oh, man,” he began, “long story short, she thinks I’m a total asshole.”

Merlin hummed in response. “I thought girls liked giant assholes.”

“Not this one, she is different.”

Merlin nodded in response and took a bite of his sandwich. After a beat Arthur broke the silence. “Merlin, are you okay? Are you,” he paused, “happy?”

“Yeah,” Merlin said through a shrug. “I guess so.”

“I figured,” Arthur replied. “You seem happy. It’s just. I told you that nothing was going to change--”

“You guys are trying,” Merlin cut him off. “I appreciate it.” After a pause he adds, “I guarantee you things could have gone a lot worse with Grace.”

“I doubt it.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Was she forty-five and married?” Merlin asked with a humorous tone, remembering his own date from the night before. “Did she want to take you to her basement, make you her sex slave?”

“What?” Arthur asked, eyes wide. “Dude, what happened to you?”

“Nothing happened,” Merlin said quickly, emphasizing the first word. “At least you have Sophia, I mean,” he pauses. “I just want someone.”

“What are you talking about, man?” Arthur asked. “You’re a good looking guy, I’m sure you’ve broken a million guys’ hearts.”

Merlin looked at Arthur for a moment. He hadn’t told anyone he felt like this and it was hard to stop himself from sharing now that he had started. “Not really,” he told Arthur honestly. “I mean, there was Leon, but that was six years ago.”

“Leon?” Arthur asked, surprise clear in his voice.

“Yeah,” Merlin answered with a smile.

“No! When you were helping him fix his Camaro?” Arthur asked with a laugh.

“Oh yeah.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah, but that was high school,” Merlin said, serious again. “Think about how many girls have you guys been with since then.”

The look Arthur gave him told Merlin he finally got it. “Yeah,” he said simply. Arthur looked troubled by this revelation. Merlin changed the subject then and the rest of lunch went pleasantly. For the first time since he came out, things felt normal.

 


End file.
